Every so often, a group of Indonesian women gather for afternoon tea in the South Jakarta home of Mom Can Cook author and holistic therapist Rina Poerwadi Rich. There, they chat about their lives and children, share fashion tips and exchange experiences about the one thing they all have in common - a non-Indonesian husband.

On an afternoon in early April, Rina, whose husband is from New Zealand, invited six women, whose husbands come from Japan, the UK, Australia, New Zealand and Germany. Most of them are members of Masyarakat Perkawinan Campuran Indonesia (PerCa), or the Indonesian Mixed Marriage Society.

At this most recent meeting, what is usually an afternoon of light chatter became serious, as the conversation turned to the new immigration law, passed on April 7. The law is important to the women as it will have a definite and inevitable impact on mixed, or transnational, marriages, and many of them were involved in the challenging efforts to help push for the law to come into effect.

Bill of Rights

Under the law, long awaited by groups campaigning for the rights of transnational couples, all non-Indonesians married to Indonesians will automatically be granted a permanent residence permit if the local spouse can provide sponsorship. It's welcome relief - foreign spouses currently have to renew their temporary residence permits (known as KITAS) each year.

It also stipulates that in the event of divorce, the foreign ex-spouse may elect to retain his or her permanent residence status - but only if the marriage lasted for at least 10 years.

Any cross-cultural marriage comes with inherent trials and tribulations, but, the women explained, the new law clears up some of the major external issues and addresses many of their concerns about their

spouses and children, who now have the right to Indonesian citizenship instead of being given the citizenship of their father at birth.

However, one important sticking point remains: Indonesian women in mixed marriages are stripped of their right to own property in their own country.

"It is our right as Indonesian citizens to own real estate in our own country and we should not be deprived of that, whether we are married to a foreigner or not," said Annie Luthan, who is married to a Japanese national, to a chorus of assents.

Facing Prejudice

Indonesians in mixed marriages often encounter challenges outside the legal sphere too, although of a more personal and hurtful kind. Tuti Bason described feeling harassed by her own compatriots, with their insinuations that she is a "loose woman" when she is in the company of her husband, without their children present.

"And worse," she added, "is when some people are quick to assume that I am the hired help when I am with my children and I have to put up with insensitive and nosy questions like, 'where is the children's mother?'"

And this for a no-nonsense, down-to-earth person who takes public transport with her family or hops on a motorbike with her painter husband.

They also offer personal support to their husbands, who have to learn to adjust to living in Indonesia.

"Sometimes my husband complains a lot about the hassles of living in Indonesia because it's not that easy for Europeans to adjust to a lifestyle completely different from what they are used to," explained Ade Hartmann, who is married to a German.

"But really, in the end, he's the first to admit that life is better for expats here because of all the conveniences that average people cannot afford in the West."

Dini Goodenough has been married to a British man for 12 years. Her husband, she said, is completely in love with Indonesia and wants to live here for the rest of his life.

"My husband thinks it's best that we raise our kid in Indonesia because the Asian culture and traditions ingrain good manners and respect in children," she said. "This includes kissing the hand of parents and elders and using the greeting assalamualaikum whenever leaving or coming home. Such respect and decent behavior is seldom seen in Western cultures."

Lina Jolly, who has three children with her Australian husband, noted that differences sometimes arise over childrearing rules.

"As an Asian mother, I can sometimes be laid back when it comes to the kids but my husband tends to be more consistent with instilling discipline in the children," she said.

Marriage of True Minds

Television presenter Marissa Trigg, who has been married to a Briton for a couple of years, is still learning about many of the issues that accompany her choice of spouse.

She believes that some Indonesian women choose to marry foreign men because the relationship between them is one of equals

"We feel more appreciated by our spouses and are allowed to speak up about whatever is in our mind," Marissa said.

This is a common sentiment among the women: Despite the difficulties and discrimination they sometimes encounter because of their marriages, they all describe feeling liberated in their relationships.

"My husband is very supportive of my career and I can be the independent woman that I always am," said Rina, whose holistic aromatherapy clinic is adjacent to her home.

"Also, having a spouse from a completely different cultural background gives us knowledge and experiences that we wouldn't have otherwise."

source : divaasia

Transnational marriages