THE year 2003 was a good one for Malaysian actress Lee Sinje as she raked in accolades with her compelling performance in The Eye (directed by twin brothers Oxide and Danny Pang), the film that set a milestone in the horror genre.
The protege of veteran actress-filmmaker Sylvia Chang swept the Best Actress awards at the 22nd Hong Kong Film Awards, the 39th Golden Horse Awards and the 7th Hong Kong Golden Bauhinia Awards.
With such honours under her belt at the age of 26, and the man she loved by her side – she started dating Oxide after working with him in The Eye – the Kedah-born lass was on top of the world.
She would, however, go on to discover that fame comes with stress and scrutiny.
“People started having high expectations of me, and tended to compare me with other stars. I was scared of failing and pressured myself to excel.
“Even the most insignificant thing would make me sad and frustrated. I even had doubts about why I was still in the industry because I was so unhappy despite my accomplishments,” she recalled in a one-on-one interview with StarTwo when she was in Petaling Jaya, Selangor, to promote her new coffeetable book Before I Say “Yes, I Do”.
Her bitterness even unleashed the green-eyed monster in her. “I was jealous of another actress,” she admitted.
But as fate would have it, Lee ended up sharing screen time with her. That’s when Lee decided to address her own weaknesses.
“I decided to fight my inner demons with love. I started by treating her well and caring genuinely about her. We became good friends after that.
“After so many years in show business, I’ve learnt that I should seize the moment and good things will follow.”
Though she declined to name the actress, it’s apparent that Lee, 35, is not one who shies away from opening up about herself. More recently, Lee offered her fans a glimpse into her mind through her coffee-table book.
The book was a record of her trip to India before she married Oxide in February last year. (The couple had a romantic wedding in Pangkor Island off the coast of Perak.)
Looking stunning in a floral dress at the interview, the multi-award-winning thespian recalled: “Oxide never proposed. I’m a very independent woman and a feminist somewhat. He was ready for marriage a long time ago, but but I said to him then, ‘I would tell you when I’m ready’,” recalled Lee.
Journey of self-discovery
All it took was one month in India, the mystical land that holds a special charm for many.
Her travelling companions were Malaysian photographer Chuan Looi and a good friend of hers since her teenage years.
“Everything was decided quickly. I’d always wanted to travel and when Looi suggested that, I straightaway said yes,” recalled Lee, adding that Oxide’s support was much appreciated.
“Some guys wouldn’t let you travel with another guy for a long period of time. When I told Oxide I was going to spend one month in India, he just said: ‘Do it if it makes you happy’.”
So Lee embarked on a journey that would touch her personally and spiritually, other than prompt her to settle down with Oxide.
“For every woman, getting married means a new chapter in her life. I was unsure whether I would be able to make it work. Since young, I’ve seen many unhappy marriages. Though I believed in true love, I had doubts about making someone happy. It’s a good opportunity for me to listen to myself,” she said, referring to her trip.
And she did, sharing thoughts on things big and small that had shaped her views.
Her jottings are now contained in a beautifully designed box, in the form of 24 letters written to those who matter to her, including her parents, her husband and daughter and her young self.
Also included are a collection of artistic shots of Lee and a CD of her self-penned single Fei Xiang (Soaring). She called the package “a gift from India”.
“I’ve always enjoyed writing and I wanted to share what I’d been through and learnt. It’d been my wish to go on a long trip and note down my feelings,” said Lee.
Why India?
“I’ve always been fascinated by Indian culture. When I was a kid, I used to go to an Indian temple alone whenever there’s a celebration. I love buying Indian jewellery and clothes as well as watching Indian dances.
“I felt as if India had been beckoning me for a long time. Nowadays every city looks almost the same with establishments like McDonald’s, but India is different.
“It has 5,000 years of cultural and historical heritage, not to mention it holds spiritual appeal. I’m a Buddhist and India is the land of the origin of Buddhism.
“I’m also intrigued by their costumes. I love the saree and the way the folk display their passion for life through colours,” she said.
The pretty lass got to don the gorgeous saree throughout her trip – an exciting experience that started off awkwardly due to her lack of experience.
“Initially, it took me one hour to put on a saree every morning, making me lose my temper. When I walked on the street, the women would always call me over to adjust my saree for me (laughs). However, in the last week, I could just wear it in five minutes,” she said, beaming with pride.
The trip to India was special in many ways. They did not have any itinerary and simply went wherever their hearts led them.
“We would ask the tour guide to take us to wherever we wanted to go. We visited a slum. We also visited a school for disabled kids, met the friendly headmaster and took pictures with the students.
“We dropped by people’s houses and took pictures with their babies in cradles. We even held a bonfire in the desert and asked the ladies to put on their best outfits and make-up and join us,” she recalled.
In her book, Lee showed off her sexy side by posing nude in the desert with just her hands covering her body.
She explained: “I’m a fan of nudism. When you have nothing on, there’s nothing restraining you. Given the environment I was in, I just felt like doing it. I was being myself and I felt very close to nature.”
It’s not all bright and cheery visuals though.
“There are poor people everywhere. I saw a family that had been living on the streets for three generations. I’d also seen families living in tents at the construction site or on roads they were working at.
“The sight of the children brought tears to my eyes because I have a child of my own, too,” said Lee, who is raising Oxide’s 10-year-old daughter Yan Yan from a previous marriage.
Lee said what she saw affected her badly. “I cry whenever I see people suffering. I realised that I reacted that way because it reminded me of certain moments in my childhood, when I was hurt, scared and confused.
“So that trip was like therapy. I told the child in me that ‘It’s OK, it’s time to let it go’,” explained Lee.
“When I came back from India, part of me wanted to see Oxide badly but I was also apprehensive about whether I would still love him the way I did,” she shared.
All doubts were cast aside the moment their eyes met.
“I’m very lucky to have him in my life. He is older, and as wise as Buddha (laughs). When I was at my worst, he healed me with his positive energy.”
She looked back at a dark period in her life.
“I was blinded by jealousy and selfishness. I got frustrated easily and sometimes even broke down. I tended to demand a lot from those around me.
“As always, he’s forgiving. He told me there are different ways of dealing with things, and taught me about love. He understands me so well.
Free as a bird
“I’m like a bird that needs to fly. He would let me do whatever makes me happy. This journey made it clear that he is the man for me,” she said.
He is also the man who defined her career. This year, the award-winning duo worked together again in a psychological thriller titled Sleepwalker, co-starring Lee’s good pal Charlie Yeung and Chinese actress Huo Siyan.
“It’s my first time working with just him (without Danny). We had high expectations and it placed tremendous pressure on us, but we never argued. We just had a lot of discussions but we looked so serious that people thought we were fighting!” said Lee with a laugh.
Apart from that, she is also preparing for a new album, her first since Man And Woman in 2003.
“There will be 10 Mandarin songs. I’ll write the lyrics to reflect my feelings and views on love and life. I wish to release it by mid-year,” she said, adding that she will rope in friends like Malaysian artiste Aniu to contribute to her new disc.
On having a child, Lee said: “I would love to have more kids, but that would mean putting aside my career for a few years – something I already did when I took care of Yan Yan. Now she is all grown up and behaves very well, which is why I’m back to work.
“I’m very passionate about my showbiz career and that’s what I will focus on in the next few years,” she said.
Despite sporting a wedding band now, Lee said she still enjoys the same amount of freedom.
“Oxide lets me do whatever I want and tells me that he is happy as long as I’m happy. So I have to make sure that I’m happy so that he will be, too. Happiness is our main priority, our biggest pursuit in life,” she concluded.
source) http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2011/4/13/lifebookshelf/8411816&sec=lifebookshelf
